St James Alperton

Today St James was given the go-ahead to re-open the building. There will be a small amount of the church cordoned off. This is great news and means we will not be meeting in the church car park on Sunday. As you can imagine, this has created a lot of work for Paul and Edna, our church wardens. St James would like to thank them both.

In the meantime, the author of this article asked the Dull Men's Club on Facebook to come up with a witty title for a news article on the church website. The Dull Men's Club is an international Facebook group where supposedly dull men (and a lot of supposedly dull women) share mundane day to day observations on the world. The Club also contains a lot of people with a fantastic sense of humour. There was a delay in the request going live and the article had to be written, however the responses were so witty that it seems a shame to waste them! Here is the original request request and some of the suggestions:-

"A driver drove a car into our church wall a few days ago and may have caused serious structural damage. Church is closed to all until it is checked by a structural engineer. The wall is actually bowed in where the car hit it. All the people in the car are fine.

I want to write a short news article on our church web page and wondered if you guys could come up with a witty title or other wording. I am relying on you guys to come up with something!"

And here are some of the responses!

"Lord give me strength"

"Bow the knee, not the wall"

"Perhaps it was a sign from God not to put a church in the middle of where a car wants to drive" (It just jumped out at them!)

"Local church attempts to open drive-through service"

"Isiah 26:1"

"Jesus 1, Car 0"

"Get me to the church on time"

"Local man proves he's not related to Joshua"

"Local church in Jericho moment" (OR Local church avoids Jericho moment)

"Jesus Christ Super Car"

"Hope the wall's not tumbling down" (Yes, he'd be in the Jam)

"All in all it's just another brick in the wall"

"I'm going down, I'm yelling timber"

"Can't park here .. Jesus says NO!"

"Jesus didn't/did take the wheel"

"The Ford moves in mysterious ways"

"When God draws you to him, buckle up just in case"

"The driver's name was not Joshua and he only drove by once. We are ok"

"When you build your house on solid rock"

"Struggling? Find out what happens when your faith hits a wall!"

"What doesn't kill you costs you dearly if you don't have insurance"

"Were they Disciples? All in one Accord?"

"Local Driver Commits Mortar Sin"

"Priests electro magnet experiment yields surprising results"

"Do cars damage YOUR foundation? Church builds your foundation, cars don't"

"Church wall keeps out speed demons"

"Drive-Thru Church? Not Quite what we Had in Mind!"

"Faith Can Move Mountains, But Apparently Cars Move Walls"

"Most exit car before going forward for an alter call"

"The Church's One Foundation Damaged but not Destroyed"

"Highway to Heaven/How to avoid brick walls on the highway to Heaven"

""Local EV driver makes start on Highway of Hole-E-Ness"

"Reckless vehicle gets local church bricked up"

"This guy needed God as his co pilot"

"Man hungry for the Gospel forgets to use the front door"

"We welcome new friends to our church, but request you enter by the doors"

"Dear congregational members. The rumour that we've been converted to a drive through coffee shop was an April Fools joke. Please do not attempt"

"2 King 9:20"

"Car in Alter cation with church wall"

"Local driver bows at the foot of the cross"

"We as a church are committed to breaking down walls between communities but not literally"

"If your life seems to have hit a brick wall, join us for services on Sunday"

"Come as you are, not in your car"

"Issues that have impacted our church recently"

and many more!

St James Alperton

St James church building re-opens after entertaining the internet!

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