The wedding season is most definitely in full swing. What a privilege it is as a member of the clergy to walk alongside a couple as they make their preparations to marry and then be front line and centre to witness their big day. There is so much that makes the service bespoke but for me it all starts literally with the first piece of music. We have had allsorts whether it is super traditional: The Bridal Chorus Wagner the Rossignol Consort or Stevie wonders ‘Signed Sealed Delivered (I am yours) playing on the way out, music sets the mood for the special day. “The best, most beautiful, and most perfect way that we have of expressing a sweet concord of mind to each other is by music.” ~Jonathan Edwards I am not a technical person but I have recently discovered I can play music from my phone through a speaker in my office. This has now opened up a whole new world of musical possibilities. It has been great fun looking back and rediscovering the music that literally makes me happy. “Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” ~Plato If you were choosing a song that speaks to you that celebrates you for you and above all makes you happy what would it be? Mine is …… Katrina and the waves: “Walking on sunshine” aside from the fact this song makes me homesick for those 80’s Saturday night discos and my teenage years her music makes me smile, not just a surface smile but a deep smile. “I am walking on sunshine and starting to feel good,” those words just belt out a smile! (By the time you read this I am praying we are seeing more sunshine!!) Music is an invitation to enjoy life and it can take some of the heavy lifting out of the difficulties we inevitably encounter, as it has the incredible power to draw our hearts and minds into this intimate experience where we can find happiness and peace. “Music is one of the fairest and most glorious gifts of God, …… for it removes from the heart the weight of sorrow, and the fascination of evil thoughts.” ~ Martin Luther So in this summer month of July, re connect to God’s gift of music, find your special summer vibe and let yourself deeply smile and enjoy how it makes you feel. Reverend Emma x
John 20:19-endPray: Ever-present God, risen Jesus, you call us together in this place. Let the light of your presence and your Word of truth and hope, inspire us, challenge us and encourage us as we encounter you this morning. AmenThis account of Jesus meeting with the disciples in the evening of the first Easter day is really exciting to hear but it’s the part about Thomas’ need to know for himself that always resonates with me. In looking up information about Thomas, as I prepared this talk, I found one website that describes him as loyal, inquisitive, doubting and reluctant – all traits that I can identify with on my journey of faith.For Thomas this was a key moment in his life, so I’m going to talk about Thomas, and also about some of my Christian faith journey, some of my key moments, and how I came to be where I am, and, more importantly, who I am. And the short phrase spoken by Jesus to Thomas, could have been spoken many times to me – ‘Do not doubt but believe.’ / Stop doubting and believeThere is little information recorded about Thomas. He was probably born in Galilee to an ordinary family, and there is no indication that he was a fisherman as were some of the other disciples. He was a Jew, but there is no account of how he became a follower of Jesus. Nevertheless, thanks to John’s Gospel we can gain some insight into his personality, and there seems to be more written historically about him after Jesus’ commissioned the disciples to take the Gospel out to the world – more about that later.In a similar vein my early life was quite unremarkable. I was a shy child, lacking in confidence. My parents’ marriage was not a happy one but I am very grateful to my Mum for taking me to church, to be baptised and later confirmed. We weren’t a church-going family but I was drawn to our church in Brentwood as a place of welcome and friendship and I often went on my own during my teenage years. I think God was making himself known to me in those early years through the people in church, but if you’d have told my teenage self what God had in store for me I might have run a mile in the opposite direction!… Are you someone who likes rollercoaster rides? Or would you rather be the person holding the coats, or taking the photos, and waiting for others to have their ride. I’m the former and Tim’s the latter, so it works well in most cases. But our journey with God has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for the both of us!When we met in our 30s, we’d both drifted away from God, and from church, but our faith was rekindled as we built our lives together.For the disciple Thomas there is no record of when or how he decided to follow Jesus, but for me there was a defining moment. On July 2 1994 we joined with others from our local village church and went on the Bradwell pilgrimage. We had recently done the Alpha course and had many questions about the Christian faith – perhaps like Thomas we wanted to know if it was real - if we really could believe all that we’d heard about Jesus.Jesus knows everything you know - he knows what we need. He knew what Thomas needed, and he knew what I needed. At lunchtime at Bradwell we were all invited to sit down ready for our picnic lunches, and as we sang ‘Be still for the presence of the Lord is here’, I became aware of a wonderful warmth, a feeling of love, of acceptance, of peace. I had my eyes closed but felt that Jesus was sitting on the ground opposite me. I remember tears of joy falling down my cheeks, and as I wrote this talk, I could hear again Jesus’ words that he spoke to Thomas, ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.’ / blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”That was the moment I believed – I knew Jesus was who he said he was – the son of God, and he loved me. This was a very key moment in my life.But it was only the beginning of the rollercoaster – you know at the beginning when you’re strapped in with the safety bar and there’s no going back. Your heart is beating faster and the excitement is building.The benefit, or not, depending on your point of view, of going on a real rollercoaster is that you can scope it out, you can watch what happens, you can time how long it takes to get back to safety and be released.But it’s not like that when Jesus is sitting in the car with you – he knows what lies ahead for you, but you don’t. It’s all about trust.When Jesus came to Thomas, he knew that Thomas needed to see for himself that he was real, that his resurrected self with the wounds in his hands and feet and side were all real. Thomas believed.And I believed too, but what did God have in store for me? Or for us really as Tim and I have taken this journey of faith together.Our desire to believe whole-heartedly in Jesus, to worship him, to learn how to live like him, took us in 1999 to Spring Harvest in Skegness where we soaked up the holy and spiritual atmosphere … and where I was to be challenged about my lifestyle.Tim had given me confidence to return to work now that our children were older and I had become very successful as a sales rep for a schoolwear company, so much so that I was invited to be their national sales and marketing director based in Sheffield. As my career had developed, we had moved to a big house with a large garden, I had a company car, and earned a good salary but… I had become quite selfish and ambitious and was spending time away from our family travelling around England and Wales visiting schools and training our reps.At Spring Harvest I went to a seminar about idols and, notebook in hand, I was ready, rather piously, to learn about how other people were doing things the wrong way. But God convicted me of my wrong behaviour and I knew that my attitude to work was wrong. I gave my ambitions, my selfishness, my insecurity, to God, and said that I wanted to use my life to serve him.We were heading up the steep incline on the rollercoaster now – little did I know where he would be taking me.We both remember walking up and down the promenade at Skegness and talking about what had happened. We decided we would put our total trust in God and I would not only not take up the Director’s role I had been offered but I would resign from work. We were excited and terrified in equal amounts! It was a key moment in my Christian journey.We knew I would need some sort of income so we went to look at the job opportunities section at Spring Harvest. I remember in our discussions we had both agreed that I didn’t want to be a vicar! There were opportunities for teachers, doctors, missionaries, youth workers – but what could I do? Then, right at the bottom we saw a postcard that advertised for a Marketing Manager – could this be for me? It was based in Maldon near where we lived and it offered a small salary. My heart was beating faster and then I read it was for Prison Fellowship working with offenders in prisons – I didn’t want to work in prisons! But a gentle voice seemed to say to me ‘I thought you said you’d serve me?’I went for an interview hoping that I wouldn’t get the job – there’s the doubt again. Was this really from God?Well, I did get the job and quickly immersed myself in the work, supporting and training over 1,000 faithful volunteers across England and Wales, and helping to get more contact with offenders inside prison, and their families, and victims of crime on the outside – that’s how my sales and marketing skills were used.One of the most significant courses that Prison Fellowship offered to offenders and also to surrogate victims was a six-week course on restorative justice, exploring the impact of crime. It was called Sycamore Tree as it was based on the story of the cheating tax-collector Zacchaeus – how Jesus met with him, transformed his life and enabled him to make reparation to his victims and community. The course was accredited by the Open College Network as they felt that the story had a good moral basis to it.It had God’s fingerprints all over it. If we had approached the prison service with a course based on a Bible story they would have suggested we run it on a small scale through the Chaplaincy. But because it was accredited they were very interested in including it in offenders’ sentence plans. Last year 144 courses were run in 58 of the prisons in England and Wales. It was very exciting to be part of this – here we were on an exhilarating part of the roller coaster! For 9 years, I was involved in marketing it to prisons, and training volunteers to run the course, and because Prison Fellowship is an international charity, I travelled to other countries to train them too, both in establishing a prison ministry and in running the Sycamore Tree course. I went to Bulgaria, the Netherlands, the Ukraine, a seminar in Hong Kong, training events in Scotland and Northern Ireland, and several in Canada.But, there’s a huge but around the corner on this part of my rollercoaster ride. I had learned about restorative justice, I’d gained a Diploma in restorative justice, and I ran many courses in prisons – I went into (and out of!) 61 prisons or young offender institutions in England and Wales. I was teaching people about Biblical restorative justice – and here I was, once again, another key moment, challenged about my own attitudes and behaviour, this time about past hurts and unforgiveness.I knew I had to do something about it – God’s transforming work in us is never completed. At the recommendation of a friend I spent a week on retreat at the Harnhill Centre of Christian Healing near Cirencester. It’s described as ‘a safe haven offering rest, refreshment and the healing love of God to all who need support and encouragement.’I was able to talk with two prayer companions who listened to the outpouring of my lingering resentment towards my parents and my first husband, my tiredness from the business of prison ministry, and my desire to continue to serve God. They gently led me through times of confession and prayer, and I came away feeling cleansed, healed and renewed. Through these years I had been drawn into a growing awareness of the need for healing for all of us - my compassion and humility had deepened and I became more involved in Christian healing ministry – through Healing on the Streets outside Tesco in Highwoods on Saturday mornings, and on the Harnhill team as a prayer companion, and I was part of St Luke’s ministry team offering healing prayer in church.Along the way a few people had suggested to me that I should be ordained but I ignored them as it wasn’t something I wanted for myself. But at the end of a training day on healing that I ran for Revd Tim Goodbody (who then was a vicar but is now the Director of Ordinands) he spoke to be very seriously and said that I should be ordained. My response – ‘I’m 55, I’m a woman (the minister in our church at the time didn’t believe in the ordination of women), and I’m divorced – I don’t think that’s going to work.’ He batted away my excuses, saying they could all be overcome, and encouraged me to explore ordination. This was definitely a key moment.That was an unexpected turn on the rollercoaster! But I remembered that I had promised to serve God, and if this might be of him, then I needed to explore it. During this time I helped St Luke’s church open their Oak Tree Coffee House – great fun training volunteers, making cappuccinos and flat whites, - not so much fun putting in place the Health and Safety procedures and Food Regulations. I also helped run Beacon House the homeless centre in Colchester. I enjoyed all these areas of Christian work, and as the years passed I completed the Course in Christian Studies and met with vocation advisors. I was put forward for an ordination selection panel but was not accepted and the rollercoaster became more like a ghost train – trundelling along in the dark not knowing what was round the corner.Once again I was challenged – did I believe my call to ordination was of God, or something from other people, or even that I had put it on myself. Doubts crept in once again.Helped by a trusted Christian friend I reflected on what had happened, tried to process it and work out what to do. During this time I felt my relationship with God deepening, my trust in him growing – he has been with us, and seen us through so many difficult times – family illness, financial struggles, moving house several times – so many coincidences that we knew it had to be God at work.And there was a significant moment that moved me to seek ordination selection again. I can’t remember where or when but in a church service when I came forward to receive bread and wine, I was deeply moved, deeply convicted of the depth of love and sacrifice that Jesus had made for me – for the whole world yes, but this was a sacramental moment for me and Jesus – and I knew then, at that moment, that I wanted to be a priest, to be able to serve others with this holy sacrament. Another key moment.So, casting doubt aside, well most of them anyway – there is a human side of us that has a tiny bit of doubt, I went to another selection panel and received a phone call from the bishop saying that I had been accepted for training. There was still no guarantee of ordination as there is a discernment process throughout training, but I completed, with quite a lot of effort as I am someone who learns by experience rather than academic study, a Diploma in Theology, Mission and Ministry, and I was recommended for ordination.It was during this time, I think in 2018, that Revd Mandy had approached Revd Hannah at St Lukes to see if a small group of people would go to Great Horkesley for a year to support and encourage the ministry there. In my absence, Tim put his hand up – so you can blame him, not me! Actually, God had laid on both of our hearts the desire to get involved in rural ministry, so all was okay and we joined in the worship and ministry of All Saints and St John’s although we still lived in Highwoods.Tim and I particularly have a heart for St John’s in Great Horkesley – it’s a small church in need of repair, but it’s on the village green among the people – among many people who don’t know the love of Jesus. During a time of prayer many years ago, Tim and I both sensed God say that we were to be ‘missionaries in our community’, so we made the decision to move house to Great Horkesley so that we could be more part of the community.You’ll be more familiar with this part of my faith journey, as I was enabled to fulfil my curacy in what was initially the 3 parishes, but grew to 6! I felt welcomed by you all as I got to grips with the different traditions and styles of worship across the churches, using Prayer Book liturgy, wearing vestments - and you were very kind when I turned up in my Christmas jumpers, and at times clutching a hot water bottle when the churches were very cold. Thank you for how you helped me to discover the richness and variety of worship across the parishes.And, sadly, along came Covid and all the new ways we had to quickly learn to enable worship and fellowship – services on Zoom, prayer walking in twos, meeting on Zoom for the St John’s Café. It was a challenging time and unfortunately, I am still recovering from long-Covid, although it’s a lot better than it was. And with the added challenge of having very unexpected surgery for lung cancer last year the past couple of years haven’t been the best.But the challenges and struggles continue to push me deeper into relationship with God, and a continued desire to serve him as best I can.So, what now? That earlier description of Thomas stays with me - loyal, inquisitive, doubting and reluctant – and that key moment when he believed, believed that Jesus was who he said he was, has resonated with me through the years. Thomas was equipped and empowered by the Holy Spirit as he went out as a missionary, following Jesus’ commission to the disciples to make disciples of all nations. According to traditional accounts Thomas travelled outside the Roman Empire to preach the Gospel, traveling as far as Kerala in South India. He started the Assyrian Church of the East, and travelled to Mesopotamia (today that’s southeast Turkey). He established the early church of Sri Lanka, and spent many years evangelizing both Jews and pagans in that area of the world, and may even have gone as far as China on his evangelizing journey.My life’s not over yet, I’m only retiring. I may not be going out as a missionary as Thomas did, but Tim and I will continue in ministry to those we meet and live amongst, and to share the Gospel, the good news by our words and actions. We have been particularly blessed to be part of the developments in Great Horkesley such as St John’s Café, Fun mornings in the school holidays, and encouraging young families to come to the monthly Fun4Families service. Within the 6 parishes I have presided at 42 funerals, 11 weddings, and 29 baptisms, and countless services of various descriptions. It’s been a privilege and a joy to be able to serve the people in our villages and our church families. And exciting to see how Heather is making connections with more people through new ideas and events.What can we take away from this? … My rather long talk this morning. Seeing the resurrected Jesus with the nail holes and wound in his side caused Thomas to believe, but Jesus said to Thomas, and is saying to us, ‘‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.’ / blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”And it’s okay to have doubts, but don’t leave them there, go deeper with God to find out what it is you’re struggling to believe. Or talk to someone about your doubts.Believe that God has a purpose for your life, that you can trust him to show you what to do, where to go. Invite him to work in you to make you more like Jesus, and trust him to work through you to show his love and grace to others.Many years ago, I had no idea what God was going to do in and through me, and it has been like a rollercoaster ride at times, but I hope some of what I have shared has inspired you, or perhaps challenged you, to continue to join in with God’s work in these parishes, and in the lives of those you love and live among.Finally, I asked for the passage from Isaiah to be read this morning, and for us to sing the song ‘Lord I come to you’, because of the verse ‘Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.’ I designed my ordination stole that I’m wearing this morning, with an embroidery of an eagle flying over the mountains.My prayer for us all this morning is to enjoy every moment with God, allow him in, invite him to shower you with his love, and trust him at all times to care for you. Revd Anne Mason
