Mothering Sunday, Waiting & Queueing.Mothering Sunday, as well as being an opportunity for many of us to say a huge thank you to our mothers for all that they have done and do for us, is also a sensitive time for those who feel the pain of not having been parented very well. It is also a very sensitive time for those who have not been blessed with the gift of children and equally if not more so, the pain of those who have lost children be that through early death or miscarriage.Having acknowledged the complexity of what Mothering Sunday means for so many people, I find myself drawn to the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:20-28. Hannah knows what it is to long for a child. She is the second wife of Elkanah and Hannah’s agony is made all the more so because Elkanah’s first wife, Penninah has children. Hannah’s longs to feel a baby growing inside of herself.An experience that we have all shared though we cannot remember it, is that we too once grew inside of our mother’s womb. The lost memory of this is more difficult for men than it is for women. It is quite difficult for me to imagine and to put into words what it must be like to know deeply what it means to have another life growing inside of yourself. There is something very special for pregnant women about a bond with their own mothers in being able to acknowledge the shared experience of what it means to carry a child. As a man, I think I might just envy that a little bit. After much prayer, there is for Hannah the gift of ‘expecting’. I think ‘expecting’ is a good word. It holds within it the element of both waiting and surprise. “What are you expecting?” “A baby.” “And what will your baby be like?” “I don’t know. We will have to wait and see.” A mother waits. And baby waits too. One of our very first experiences of life – is to know what it is to wait. We are conceived, and we have the God-given gift of life, and we will change our shape, and we will grow but we will also wait. Waiting to be born. And learning to wait, which we first shared with our mothers, is an important life skill.The psychologist, Bruno Bettelheim* suggests that you can tell how civilised people are by their capacity to stand in a queue and wait. There are lots of jokes about the ‘British disease’ of standing in queues – not least in the dole queue – which speak of inertia, inactivity, laziness and quite simply nothing happening. But if you think about it, being able to tolerate standing in a queue means that you are able to contain yourself. It means that you understand the importance of order over chaos, and you understand that to wait your turn in the queue is fair. You know what it is to wait your turn and you learn to trust your fellow human beings and the idea of a system to which all subscribe can and is fruitful. And most importantly, standing and waiting show that you have some really valuable life skills - you have learnt to be patient and to be tolerant and crucially, to persevere. You have the ability to endure and triumph above those who want everything now and immediately and who cannot sustain the waiting game. Queues, breakdown of course when someone tries to push in – and you then often see a strong reaction from the herd, which comes together to reassert ‘get to the back and wait your turn’. What I sometimes find more difficult is when you are standing behind someone and just before they get to the front, they are suddenly joined by eighteen members of their immediate family. That can really test your patience. I suspect we all have a nightmare story or two we can share about our worst experience of being in a queue. Airports come to mind! In Bettleheim’s view, a civilized nation is one that understands the value of queuing.As a country, we have all been queuing for our vaccinations. I haven’t heard of any riots taking place at vaccination centres. We have all been queuing for the Lockdown to be lifted. Most of us, patiently waiting. Slowly, very slowly moving forwards. And Christian people are waiting too for our churches to reopen for worship. Worshippers are all patiently waiting to join in the queue to receive Holy Communion. Patiently, persevering, containing ourselves with dignity, waiting our turn - waiting in an orderly queue.And Hannah waits. She is expectant. And Samuel too waits to be born.So, in saying thank you to everyone who has mothered you, in whatever way over the years, you might just like to say a big, special thank you to the one who taught you to wait, right from the very beginning of your life. Waiting teaches self-control. In the words of Bettelheim, “self-control enhances self-respect.” And there is no price you can put on that.So, take the example of Hannah to heart and rejoice in your waiting, expectantly looking forward to the life to which God is calling you.Revd Mark Bailey*A Good Enough Parent by Bruno Bettelheim (Random House, New York, 1987)
The Long Lent of 2020-1One of the difficult things to explain to children, and I come up against this a lot in school, is teaching children how we calculate the centuries. So, for example, the 1800s is actually the 19<sup>th</sup> century. Young children naturally assume that because a year starts with 18 as in 1805 – the year Nelson beat Napoleon at Trafalgar – that must mean the 18<sup>th</sup> century, when of course it isn’t, it is the nineteenth century. Even some of our Year 6 children, and a fair number of adults I bump into, stumble when it comes to understanding how we articulate historical time. I often find myself explaining to children that you are only 1 year old at the end of your first year. You are not born a ‘one-year-old’. You must live a year first before you can say you are one. I find it’s helpful to children if you explain that when you are talking about the 21<sup>st</sup> century, you need to knock off 1 – so that means all the years beginning with 20 and not 21. So, I am in my 59<sup>th</sup> year, which means that I am 58. The 19<sup>th</sup> century – we knock off one – so that means all the years beginning with 18. If you get the opportunity to help a child understand this then it will be time well spent not least because it will help them with comprehending their reading. When they read C19th they will automatically understand this means the 1800s. They might just thank you for helping them. Some will recall the debate that raged at the start of the new millennium in the Year 2000. Was that the beginning of the new millennium or should we really have been celebrating 2001? I will leave you to ponder that question!When thinking of how we articulate time historians tend not to abide by strict mathematical thinking but instead look at defining events that determine the start and the ending of a period of time. So, historians often talk about the ‘Long C18th’ – from 1680 to 1815; a period of British history that starts with the reign of William & Mary – a time which consolidated Protestantism in the British Isles - and concludes in 1815 with the battle of Waterloo and the defeat of the French. Similarly, historians talk about the ‘Short C20th’ – a period of time from 1914 to 1991, from the start of the First World War to the collapse of the Berlin Wall (1989) and the end of the Cold War.If all this sounds a bit boring and tedious then think of this Season of Lent and the words from St Mark’s Gospel (Mark 8), “…let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Normally, the context for a season of self-denial is set within a pattern of our daily lives that is focused on the routine, which is quite different from what we are currently experiencing. Some in the church have trumpeted what I think we might in future refer to as the ‘Long Lent of 2020-1’. The ‘Long Lent 2020-1’ is that period of time from Ash Wednesday on the 26<sup>th</sup> of February 2020 through to Palm Sunday on 28<sup>th</sup> March 2021. This is a period of time in our history when the whole of humanity was pushed into a series of repeated lockdowns that forced people into a pattern of living in which they were legally bound to practice various behaviours that centred on self-denial, including abstaining from browsing in shops, avoiding eating-out, saying ‘no’ to partying and generally enjoying themselves. ‘The Long Lent of 2020-1’ may well become a period in history that future church historians might be tempted to interpret as an Act of God, in which God called all people to reflect severely on their lifestyles and to be admonished by the Almighty by having all the pleasures of excess taken away from them by a plague of a virus. Those more drawn to the puritan faith will rejoice at God chastising his people and forcing them to return to a more simple lifestyle. The Long Lent of 2020-1 might just go down in church history as the longest fast in modern times.And that is all fine, except for one little issue. The season of denial that God truly calls us to keep is one which is done voluntarily. To take up your cross and to follow the example of Jesus is one which begins in the heart – and does not begin with the law. If anything, the whole example of Jesus is to reinvent the place of the rule book. ‘The Long Lent of 2020-1’ – that period of time in the church’s calendar from the 26<sup>th</sup> of February 2020 to 28<sup>th</sup> March 2021 – could only ever be described as a ‘Lenten season’ if the motivation was born out of love for one another, as God loves us. An act of voluntary sacrifice.So, here’s another really important question for us in this season of abstinence, what evidence can we point to, to support the argument that this has truly been a ‘Long Lent’?What evidence does your Christian heart tell you?Revd Mark Bailey
The Revd Writes… Ever since the ten commandments and before, whenever people have tried to live by a moral code there have been tensions between the rights of the individual and the rights of the community as a whole. From early childhood, our parents strive constantly to promote maturity and independence within us so that one day we will be able to make our own way in the world. This quest for autonomy is hard-won and it is no surprise when great lengths are taken to defend it. The integrity of the individual adult stands supreme. It is the ‘I am’ that is the bedrock of our personality. This is my opinion, and it is my opinion that really matters to me. And I acknowledge even if it is painful, that you and I may well hold a difference of opinion. So be it. Within western Christianity, the rights of the individual have been a primary foundation stone particularly so within the puritan evangelical tradition. The place of the individual soul, each loved as a unique creation by the personal Saviour manifests the responsibility that I must do my best not to fall into sin. And when I do it is to know, that above all else, my Saviour loves me and redeems me from myself. The contrast to this faith position comes from within the more catholic tradition that subscribes to the view that God redeems His people, not just the favoured disciple. God’s people journey together, and it is their investment in each other that is paramount. As such, at times, the rights of the individual become subservient to the needs of the common good. This juxtaposition has often led to deep and bitter conflict within the Church and within society. What to do when conscience cannot subscribe to the demand that the individual’s freedom must be curtailed to uphold the will of the majority? And let’s be honest, the majority has on more than one occasion been found wanting. Lockdown and the restrictions imposed have impacted all of us in the name of the common good. Given the devastation and tragedy caused by coronavirus, most of us recognise the necessity, despite the hardship caused, that the needs of the wider community, in this instance, are more important than anyone individual’s cry for freedom. This is the view of most people. But not all. Those who cannot concede are left with the only option and that is to deny the pandemic threat altogether. Coronavirus denial is real and is itself a threat not just to the individuals who espouse this view but to everyone. Recent attempts to portray empty hospital corridors as evidence that the NHS is not at risk, and that the pandemic is nothing but a hoax, is at best unhelpful and at worst a moral outrage. This lays a certain burden upon us all to be vigilant against such views within our own village communities. We would not tolerate the view of those who deny the Holocaust. Neither should we give space for the view that coronavirus isn’t a global threat to humanity. Both the rights of the individual and the common good demand it. God Bless Revd Mark Bailey
The Revd Writes… A good few years back, amidst the hustle and bustle of the Winchester Christmas Market, I found myself having a conversation with a woman who spontaneously declared, “I love Christmas! It is the most important Christian festival.” “Ah, no”, I interjected. “The most important Christian festival is Easter.” “No”, she said, “It’s Christmas.” “I’m a vicar,” I explained, “I know about these things.” “Well, I don’t care who you are or what you do, I am telling you Christmas is the most important Christian festival because it brings more people together.” She wasn’t wrong. I have reflected on that conversation long and hard subsequently. Shared experience brings people together, though our shared experience of the ‘most important Christian festival’ this year will be like no other. The pandemic begs the question for the whole human family, ‘Who will you spend this Christmas with?’ More importantly perhaps, who will it be safe to share this Christian festival with? Normally by mid-November, most families have a plan in place. But not in 2020. Shopping for presents, another common experience, has been dampened. Online shopping, no matter how dressed-up a website, is devoid of the face-to-face interaction we as human beings mostly enjoy and need for our own sense of wellbeing. Any seasonal activity this year will be hastily put together in an attempt to try to make Christmas ‘happen’, not least for children. Fundraising events for good causes, so crucial for so many charities, have been muted, with significant effects on next year’s budgets. This year Christmas is hard. Yet all is not doom and gloom. Facing adversity together has binding qualities as those who survived the Second World War knew all too well. Amidst pandemic, social cohesion across all communities has thrived. The battle to stave off isolation means that we now know our neighbours better than ever before. Generosity of heart has stretched across previously unknown thresholds. Kindness and thoughtfulness are now but a door or two away. Who are you spending Christmas with? More likely than not this year, for many people, it will be spent with those who live on the same street. And what will you give? And here a little plea. Like many charitable institutions, the Diocese of Winchester finds itself in a difficult place and is facing cuts of £2 million. The inability of our local churches to fundraise and hire out buildings has left a significant hole in church finances. Many people across the Dever Valley benefit from the pastoral ministry of our parish priests every day. If you can help and would like to help by donating a regular £5 a month to support this work, please go to the ‘Donate’ page on our website at https://www.achurchnearyou.com/church/18389/page/56733/view/ More than ever, we are together this Christmas. Even if it feels we are far apart. God Bless Revd Mark Bailey
